vistiation summary

Date: Wed, 11 Nov 2009 05:56:06 -0600

Hello Tara, 

I am writing to you as regards a summary of visitation experince. Whitney and I agreed to change the scheduled time from Saturdays to Sundays from 9 AM to 11 AM. Sometimes Whitney is flexible about changing this time, however other times she insists that Kylie needs a nap or is otherwise indisposed for alternative times. 

As regards communications between Whitney and myself. Whitney will often wait for two days to respond to a text query regarding the health status of Kylie. Sometimes my text queries go unanswered. Whitney says she will only respond to five text messages as per Hon. Judge Smith's order, however in practice she rarely responds and never in a timely fashion. When I ask for clarification on points in her reply she is not forthcoming, and she is quick to count replies as part of her five alloted communications. She never responds to emails, and rarely answers her phone except on visitation days. 

Visitation has been good, although Kylie is very attached to her mother. Kylie will throw tantrums if toys are taken away or if she doesn't get her way. She demonstrates poor impulse control and also  signs of learned helplessness (crying to be picked up but not moving to be picked up, etc). Kylie will let me hold her but prefers her mother. She will not let me hold her for any length of time. 

*Kylie does not call me father, daddy, or dad.  She calls me Benny which is obviously introducing some psychological distance from the fact of the matter. I asked Whitney to address this by changing the way her family addresses me in Kylie's presence. Whitney declined to alter her expression saying that she didn't want to confuse Kylie and that she would wait till the final hearing. 

*I have occasionally noticed contusions (bruises) on Kylie's arms, legs, and head. Whitney explains that these are acquired through her daycare. Whitney has declined to give me any details on the cost of her daycare, or the location of Kylie's daycare provider. Whitney has declined to share any health information with me regarding Kylie in terms of her vaccination schedule, doctor's visits, costs, and any complications from infection.  Every other week Kylie has a runny nose and is suffering from some type of infection (also attributed to her daycare). 

*So far I have not been included in any of the daily activities of child care such as changing diapers, changing her clothes, feeding Kylie, helping with potty training, or giving her baths/putting her to bed. I have inquired about partcipating in these activities but Whitney continues to decline. She states that since Kylie is a girl and I am a boy it would be "inapprorpiate" for me to care for her. Her response seems odd to my sensibilities given that I am Kylie's father and also my clinical experince working with the elderly and infirm.

*I was not allowed to attend Kylie's birthday party. 

In summary I feel that the two hours a week we have has so far not resulted in a parental relationship developing. Kylie continues to treat me as a known outsider for the most part. Kylie does not acknowledge that I am her father. While I have enjoyed very much getting to spend time with Kylie our time is short and departure is always bitter sweet. Whitney is not cooperative when it comes to scheduling or communication for the most part. I believe that if Kylie's schedule is left to the caprice of her mother she would conspicously be indisposed for any activities or family visits that I would like to engage Kylie in. Thus far only my sisters and my mother have been able to visit Kylie during visitation. 


Kind Regards,